Not Exactly Poetry
by xxpoisonivyxx
Summary: It's that feeling you get when you've run a hard race, when you're watching a sunset. It's knowing someone's waiting for you. Only, he doesn't get those feelings, and he knows that no one is. Pregame. Roxas.


**notes** The other Twilight Town. Thinking about Roxas kind of makes my chest hurt, and man, I _cried_ at the end of the prologue. This is set pre-game, of course, and I tried to do something with the way they talk. Gah.

**Not Exactly Poetry**

Summer is like this long stretch of horizon where the sun will set, and the sun will set, but the horizon will just stretch on forever. The thing is, though…the thing is, summer ends.

--

Roxas sometimes wonders what it's like to see the night, or the day, or the noon or something. The sun is always setting. The world is always ending for something darker.

He thinks about this hard and sees dark shadows and neon lights and shadows stretching, lengthening from the ground and _up_ and something grabbing his ankle—he wakes up in a cold sweat.

Something in his chest hurts. Maybe it's his heart. That's what Pence tells him every time he grabs his chest like that. He's worried about him, because Roxas sometimes keels over and his eyes go unfocused, and Pence says that's really unlike him. Maybe you're missing something with all your heart, Pence suggests.

It's funny though. It feels more like there's a hole, a void. Whatever it is, he misses it though. (With all his heart)

--

Haynor is complaining how Seifer is _really_ annoying during school, how he gets into everyone's stuff and in everyone's way, and how he oughtta just bop him a good one one day.

Olette laughs and says that it's never going to happen. Rai is always in the way.

We can bribe him with _peanut butter_, Haynor says, completely seriously, the guy's so dumb that he'd probably forget about it.

They all roll their eyes and ignore him. Sometimes Haynor's plans were not even worth humouring.

Pence says, It's summer vacation now. Let's worry about that after.

Roxas thinks, _after what?_

--

Olette is really funny in the way that she's halfway friends with Seifer's gang. She could be more, if she wanted. Not that Rai or Fuu would ever really let her in, but they tolerate her pretty well, and she's kind to Vivi, and sometimes Seifer will seek her out.

When Haynor asks about this, Olette just giggles and says all he does is make speeches about how the guys sucked, and how he was the best, and that he was going to get Haynor and Roxas one day.

Why? Are you jealous?

Haynor and Pence turn all shades of red while Olette laughs. It's funny. She chooses to stay with them.

There must be something about them that is really great or something. Something that makes it worth it.

--

"Hey," Roxas says once, "What's the beach like?"

They look at him, stopping in mid-lick.

Really great, Haynor says at length.

Yeah, Pence enthuses, there's all the food you can eat, and the sun is always shining, and—

Man! The girls!

Olette smacks Haynor for that remark.

"The sun is always shining?"

We'll go, Olette promises.

--

No one else lives in his house. His meals are always cooked, and his clothes are always washed, and everything is arranged in a way that makes it really easy for him to go out and have fun.

It's good he doesn't have a mom, Roxas thinks.

She'd miss him when he was out.

The thing really is: she'd never love him anyways.

He thinks he could love a mother. But thinking about that makes him…hurt in that way that's not quite hurting.

--

He wonders if he would ever trade away Haynor hounding at him to train, Pence always being there and helpful, and Olette bringing him ice cream on the sly whenever he's feeling bad.

He wonders if he'd ever trade away sitting on the big clock, and Struggle, and his skateboard.

He wonder's if he'd trade away pushing a big-ass bag of crap up this really steep hill, giving mail that careful flick of the wrist that was required to send it to the pigeon.

The question is, what would he trade it all away for?

He wants to know why he lives alone. He wants to remember being in class. He wants summer vacation to never end. He wouldn't mind going to the beach. He's got some sort of calluses on his hand. They're slightly the wrong shape to have been from the Struggle club, but…

--

He wants to know why he dreams of black neon and someone's smile, and he wants to know why he is always feeling like someone is waiting for him. Why he is so sure no one could possibly be.

He wants to know why…when he's run a race with Haynor and they are both panting on the street, he can place his hand on his chest and feel nothing there.

Would he trade it all away?

--

The thing is, Roxas thinks that he would.


End file.
